Results for “Star Wars”

The Squad: A Star Wars Story

A uthor’s note: What if one of the pre-eminent directors of our time, Werner Herzog, had been tasked with directing The Return of the Jedi? What type of story might he choose to tell? That’s the basic idea here. You can find more about this in the supplemental materials.


Part 1 | Into the Woods

“Are we still waiting?”

This was the fifth member of the squad of stormtroopers in the cargo hold to come forward to the cockpit. Maybe it was the same one. To most Imperial officers like the shuttle captain, Stormtroopers may as well... More

“The Squad: A Star Wars Story” supplemental materials

Ewoks are apex predators in the Endor ecosystem. I came to this realization while writing The Squad.

Sure, there’s some Endor equivalent of bears or mountain lions, but the Ewoks simply rule. Evidence of this is shown throughout Return of the Jedi. It’s made clear in the movie that they will absolutely wreck you. They will bring the pain. Cute, fuzzy pain.

But let me back up, before we get to that. I have an admission to make: I wrote some Star Wars fan fiction.

Yes, I know. Fan fiction is one of the most disreputable genres... More

The Backlash Awakens

I spent the holiday around my 3-year-old nephew.

While he is very cute, with sandy brown hair and vivid blue eyes, he’s also like all children, a child. That means that he’s entirely at the sway of his emotions. One morning he said he wanted yogurt for breakfast. My brother didn’t have any.

What followed was a slow-motion deterioration over about a half hour that led into a full tantrum. It’s said we grow out of this.

Maybe, in the sense that we generally don’t throw tantrums, but the underlying pattern is there. We dress it up in reason and... More

Why the Empire always loses

It’s really all TK-421’s fault.

He wasn’t at his post, a mistake that led directly to the destruction of the Death Star1. Abandoning an assigned post is a fundamental violation of military protocol.

It’s similar to “I forgot to bring any bullets” in its forehead-slapping stupidity. It’s a court martial offense.

While the temptation might be to personally blame Mr. 421 for the error, his actions are really a sign of greater underlying problems in the Empire’s military training regimen. A certain sloppiness is evident.

It’s the kind of thing that allows a legion of the Empire’s best troops armed... More

30 lines from the “Star Wars” Death Star attack scene that could be from a porno movie

  • “Should be able to penetrate …”
  • “You are required to maneuver straight down this trench …”
  • “It’s a small thermal exhaust port right below the main port.”
  • “The shaft leads directly to the main reactor …”
  • “Look at the size of that thing!”
  • “Estimated time to firing range 15 minutes.”
  • “Hold tight.”
  • “I’m going in.”
  • “Cover me, Porkins.”
  • “I can hold it.”
  • “Enemy fighters coming your way.”
  • “He’s on me tight.”
  • “Come with me.”
  • “You’ve got one on your tail.”
  • “Hang on back there.”
  • “I’m on him, Luke.”
  • “Good shooting, Wedge.”
  • “Move into position.”
  • “They’re coming in.”
  • “I’ll take... More

Battle Beyond the Stars

S tar Wars vs. Star Trek. Which is best?

This is an eternal burning question that cannot be answered, seemingly. Do we even need to? For many a geek, both franchises embody a deep love.

It’s as ubiquitous as East Coast vs. West Coast or Ginger vs. Mary Ann. The debate has even spawned such subdebates as The Enterprise vs. an Imperial Star Destroyer. 1

Like that episode of Cheers that argued there’s enough room in this world for fans of The Munsters and The Addams Family, we can always cop out and refuse to make a choice.

... More

Message: I care

Politics is such a hideous word. It uglifies everything, witness “office politics.”

It’s the dirty, smelly public restroom of our shared experience. We need it, but nobody really wants to go in there. Well, normal people, at least.

But we live with politics like a rash that just won’t clear up. Maybe that’s because political messaging actually works. At least 51 percent of the electorate thinks so every four years.

For some candidates, politics are natural, like breathing – Bill Clinton and Ronald Reagan come to mind. With Hillary Clinton, she may as well be reading her... More

Force majeur

About 15 years ago a group of us were gathered around a computer waiting for “The Phantom Menace” trailer to download.

It was still early enough in Internet time that an online debut was a problem. The combination of a big movie file and huge demand led to a giant trainwreck. It took hours to download even on our company’s fast internet.

The trailer had 10 million downloads, which I seem to recall was the most popular download of its time, though it’s likely been surpassed since.

Within seconds of “The Force Awakens” trailer popping up, thousands,... More